you don't have to know who you are

open the door and say hi. we don't have to be trapped inside our own narratives

I was listening to this soothing song while writing this

People are funny in many ways, but one of my favorite things about us is our desire to be unique and different while at the same time always trying to find ways to categorize, group, and make sense of ourselves (I am such a Capricorn! I am a classic computer person!). But in a world where there are so many lives to live, how do you know who you are, how do you know what personality traits belong to you?

When I was living in Stockholm, I woke up early every morning and worked out before sunrise. I never took Ubers, and I would never spend money on take-away coffee. I didn’t understand people who did. These activities became behaviors and traits I would assume belonged to my personality. Living in London, I often take Ubers and buy too many coffees. When I lived in Buenos Aires, I spoke very loudly and used dramatic body language, and I would talk about things I no longer care much about, such as how sustainable legumes are compared to many other foods. I discovered that my interests and my personality could expand, and I was happy to unfold new parts of myself by living abroad and changing my environment. When I returned to Stockholm, I stopped talking loudly and became less expressive. I no longer cared about legumes.

When you constantly invalidate the things you believe belong to you, discover new parts of the self, and replace interests with others, how do you know what traits and interests belong to you and what is just a result of your context? Does change have a cap? Is there a maximum limit? You ask me who I am, but how would I know? Do you know who you are?

If I am this, it means I can’t be that. Engaging in new experiences means opening up the possibility to enjoy something you have decided you don’t like. It can also mean you realize you are not enjoying something you have decided to like. Engaging in new experiences means opening up the possibility to learn you are not that person you said you were. If we choose to be trapped in cages, restricted by our own rules and narratives around who we are, we also choose not to get to know ourselves. We choose not to see. But I want to see. I want to see everything! Tell me all your secrets, I love everything about you.

We try to make sense of ourselves and others, and we desperately try to create a personality by talking about all those things we are, what we represent, and what we like. But, in the middle of all of that, remember it’s perfectly fine for people to have very different views and perceptions of you, depending on the context and time frame they got to know you. You don’t have to feel like you are doing something wrong for saying one thing one day and saying the opposite the next day. You do not exist to make sense to others, and you do not need to be consistent. You can be everything at once. You can be everything at once. Come out, say hi. We are so excited to get to know you.