love that hurts

I didn’t want to adjust my expectations, I wanted reality to match them

my friend told me
it hurts
all the time
not a lot
but
a little bit, all the time
love hurts a little bit all the time

Is it possible for love to not destroy you?

We learn to be cynical about love because how else would we survive, no one would bungee jump without gear! Build walls. Higher, stronger. Protect your heart. How insane it would be to give your heart to a stranger, for them to break it, over and over, just like that

aoch, it hurts

I, like many of us, have experienced love that felt like love at the time but probably wasn’t. I tried to make it feel like home, but looking back I was never comfortable. The pain I felt from trying to make love feel like home was rooted in the desire to try to fix something that was meant to be broken. It was never meant to be fixed, it was always meant to fall apart. Are you holding on to something that is meant to fall apart?

I did what they told me to do. My therapists, friends, and the world around me told me the exact same thing; adjust my expectations and let go. It worked, of course, because letting go always helps. I was more content and more relaxed. But I never felt good. I felt frustrated because I had decided that the thing that was important to me shouldn’t be. 

I decided that the thing that was important to me didn’t matter, but it did. It really did. In the end, I didn’t want to adjust my expectations, I wanted reality to match them. 

They tell us to lower our bars and be independent, but perhaps we just need to stop avoiding the things we want. Open your door, say hi